The new updated Nineteen circles of hell

•August 15, 2008 • Leave a Comment

Right…. dante was all on about the nine circles of hell from limbo(for unchristened and vituous unbelievers ) to the lake of ice( for the traitors and such)…

but hell underwent some major renovations sometime last millenium to include all the cool new sins humanity has invented all by itself(yay for us!!!)

Heres whats left after the proverbial sledge-hammer……

10th circle : the harmless souls who know not who they annoy… footboarders,chatty movie-goers and such….

11th circle : all involved in making a bad movie judged by rottentomatoes.com ratings

12th circle : all those who have used their satanic powers to edit a baad  movie into a good trailer thus making a lot of people go see the bad movie

13th circle : anyone who makes fun of pimply noses,calling the subject rudolph ,mount fuji and so… (vengeance is mine)

14th circle : the people who came up with reality television and for everyone who went with it…..

15th circle : anyone who makes yo momma jokes at orphans(with or without knowing they were orphans)

16th circle : holier-than-thou mac/ipod/iphone/[insert-upcoming-apple-product-name] user (i think thats all of apple’s clientele)

17th circle :hardcore linux-users who aggrandise the “You must earn the love” slogan we hate to hear (especially when things fall apart)

18th circle :any advertisement company that raises Microsoft vista sales even a little.

19th circle :anyone starting /forwarding/ touching/feeling/ breathing spam-mail (no matter what the intent)

so there…. see you next millenium with a whole new line-up of circles.

P.S : Shoot larks at sight.

Protected: incorrigibly yours,raghuram

•February 4, 2008 • Enter your password to view comments.

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The downside of destiny

•July 10, 2006 • 2 Comments

You think i must be full of s**t to come up with such a dramatic title . Im sad to say the levity of this blog is jarringly minimal form all of my previous ones . I do not want to bore you with all the preliminary sh*t that led to this blog because even if i wanted to , there is nothing of thta sort .The cause behind this effect is something really random and unexpected , and a bit unsettling . It started with the Ug1 orientation this monday , thar is today. Jimmy and me worked on the damned speech for the better half of the day and it really did pay off. The parents did not scream ‘encore !’ or throw any roses but a few did show up later and thanked jimmy for how reaffirming the speech .It was just two , but we very expecting something much closer to zero , so it was a minor victory .
We were feeling great on the way back to the OBH (thats the old boys hostel) when we were accosted by two middle aged guys and a prospective UG1. They wanted to know where to get the refund for the draft they have given that very morning . A bit surprised ,i had to ask them what on god’s good earth could have possibly have happened in these five hours that could have changed their mind . I’ll have the reader know they were not form what is referred to as a priveleged background . I guess they are what people are really like outside the metros we refuse to look beyond . It turned out the middle aged guy number #2 was the twenty year old brother of the aforementioned prospectee . And also that he is from AAAIT (All Andhra Anamak Institute of Technology ) in vijayawada. I must stress how whatever delusions i had about myself and my state (Andhra .Pradesh that is) are gone and there is nothing in this state that is inferior to any place anywhere , but i am also aware of the realities that are the lack of facilities (technical and otherwise) and the lack of an open minded outlook (again, technical and otherwise) that come with such places .
No one from vijayawada can hold this statement against me .This is as objective as i can get .I apologise if i sound even remotely judgemental, it is truly unintended .
Back to the matter of the disreputable AAAIT ,the misbegotten elder brother who has the size and shape of a father of five wanted dear little brother to follow his footsteps into his hallowed halls of mediocrity . The entire conversation was marred with lame attempts my middle aged guy #2 (having foung out im in ug3 too )trying to
convince me (and himself ? ) that his ‘college’ is as good as ours . These are questions that should not raised because they will do more damage than good .
I’ll tell you what the most f***ed up thing is . The possible juniour was really taken by Kamal’s and Sangal’s speech about what is all about and he’s the kinda guy who’d risk being a small fish in a big pond rather be a big one in a perceptibly small one . I really liked him and there was nothing i could say in front of him anymore without making his beloved bada bhaiiyya look like a joke or risk losing my temper and call him a f***ing retard .
I know anyone in my place would have been very eoquent and be very descriptive of how bette IIIT is but what was scaring me was that this would have intimidated the hell out of the father sanding right there feeling so out of place and that would make this leave this place more determined than they were before speaking ot me. They did not appreciate the regional diversity of this place , it was more of a downside as far as they’re concerned. Going more into how the social life here is would have helpful as a handjob . I really did not want to scare them away but now im sitting here thinking perhaps i said too little .
It would be a minor miracle if the possible junior finds the sones to tell his big bro not to take him(junior ) down with him(brother/congenital loser).
It would be real great if the guy picks IIIT , but they go back to vijayawada tomorrow and i can’t help but think he won’t be coming here again .
There you go, thats the downside of destiny. It makes you wait for a crappy ending and you cannot get your tickets back.

when google goes wrong ….

•May 18, 2006 • 1 Comment

One of many brave new territories vbeing ventured into by the idea hamsters at google inc is to make the reply to any question posed to the google search engine be accurate ,or at the best relevant.
Only, images are searched by keywords attached to those images, so they are counting on a site host to not be a conniving prick like yours truly and pull shit like having keywords like brittney spears or ponies (yes, i donot like pre-adolescent girls) with graphic images of circumcisions or vasectomies (either will do) with the ray of hope being that they will show up on google and shock the pinafores of them pony loving brittney wannabees.
It looks like God has done most of my work for me. Whaere best to spread disinformation and keep his flock humble and obedient than their most revered source of wisdom?

Here are the images i get for a few questions many impressionable kids and desperate souls have in common.

  • Is there a God ?

  • Is there life out there ?

  • Google must have misunderstood my query, so i rephrased it.

Is there intelligent life out there?

  • Well, next question….. Is there true love?

  • That was not very helpful. I decided to move onto more worldly questions

Like …..

  • What is sex?

This was the most relevant answer i have got so far nad it relies heavily on innuendo not everyone is privy to.

  • I decided to go easy on her and ask questions which are more common, so i went ahead with….
  • Where do babies come from?


No, Im not buying it.

  • Who Let the dogs out?


Okayy, thats better.

  • Which backstreet boy is gay?

At last , one straight answer out of google, and surprisingly accurate too .
There is still hope. Keep at it Mr.Brin.

  • By the way, here are a few results for keyword “stupid”.




Disclaimer: I shit you not

Twenty someone

•May 15, 2006 • 1 Comment

Today, i turn twenty.
today is the first day of the rest of my life.
If youre thinking drama queen, you are so not twenty years old. Twenty has a special significance, just like sixteeen , eighteen and sixty do. Let me elaborate.

Sixteen is when you finish school and are pretty much done with the concepts of homework , lunch-box and corproal punishment. It means the training wheels are off.

Eighteen is the next level , the powers that be are pleased with progress we have made and thus grant us with the gifts of guilt-free access to motor vehicles and porn.

All seems well but then, BOOOM youre twenty. You have any idea what that means? It means no more dramatics , no more erratic behaviour which was previously pinned on the whole hormonal thing.
Welcome to post adolescence. Welcome to the first day of the rest of youre life.
So, twenty huh? should’nt I be hanging out with friends in a pub,ogling at girls and guzzling beer before accepting all the shit that comes with being a grownup ? Should’nt i be doing whatever i want?

Well, i am doing exactly that. Im sitting in the lab surrounded by the people i like and respect, ignoring (at least trying very hard to ignore ) the rest, talking to my adoring public. I have nothing special planned, or rather, i want all the good stuff thats meant to happen today to be spread over the rest of my life. Does that sound stupid? Hell, won’t be my first, sure as hell wont be my last.
By the way, i want to make a public resolution to make this regular ,(just how regular is upto what’s in store for me ) in the hope that it WILL keep me regular .
——————————–
like my father’s come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

-Green Day

Black Thoughts and all the entrails

•March 7, 2006 • Leave a Comment

Frogive me if this comes across as a little lecherous ,but that pretty much amounts this last weekend.
Never lose sleep over anything, especially if you did lose sleep the day before .
I’ll tell you where all this is coming from. All i ever wanted was everything. At least watching everything on DC++ after an all tooo long hiatus from the delightful world of P2P sharing. This took the whole night and a third of the next day,i.e thursday 12:pm to friday 8:00 AM.
This was followed by doing a banal assignment due on Monday. And then , the homecoming follows as saturday was a holiday . One word…torrents.i love bram cohen, nothinng for his wife to faer, but i owe him more than i care to share.(I get a little emotional talking about p2p).
For all of my gloating when it comes to my expertise with p2p, theer is still a lot i do not comprehend about it.
Oh yes, the tile thing, so i lost sllep for yet a nother day, and thus began my descent into the deepest ,darkest places hidden in our heads. I may soudn off it but anyone who has a Phd in neuropsychology or has read crichton’s terminal man will understand what limbic means.It measn instinctual, goin by what the beast in you tells,I got aggressive to the extent of nearly assualting an auto guy who nerly ra me over.Such an attitude will not cut it for you in this shitty(i mean city, but you get the reason behind this freudian slip,dontcha?)
~
more to come.

A for anarchy

•January 9, 2006 • Leave a Comment

I happen to be listening to fight club OST as i write this , and i cannot discount its influence on my state of mind right now. All I see is a world built on lies like justice, love, and free pizzas. Its a phenomenally orchestrated lie perpetuated by the mutual consent of all people above 40 years old with IQ under 150 and a personal worth of above 5 crore rupees (thats 1 mill in dollars ).
It is not my objective to convince you that this is true. The resistence thinks all my efforts are futile, that this will be yet another anarchist blog rambling about the Man. For the record , there is no one man behind this lie we live in. At least , its not a man. I think i have said too much.
I cannot say this without sounding paranoid . But what is paranoia but having all the information there is and crumbling under the weight of the truth. You never know how horrific anything is until you realise it is for real.
They are watching you.

 
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